翻译: Claire Jodie
校对: super死打斯基
嘿 Kimmy Oh, hey, Kimmy.
我的天哪 你看看这些错发邮件 My God, would you look at all this mis-delivered mail?
后期: 秋小豚
这个政府真是什么事都干不好 This government can't do anything right.
总统都没普通信件收发的经验 Well, what can you expect from a president
压制: 凯撒
你还能指望什么 with no real-world postal experience?
有我的的东西吗 Anything for me?
有一些哥伦比亚唱片俱乐部寄来的带子 给Titus的 Yeah, there's some tapes for Titus from Columbia House.
CBS旗下哥伦比亚唱片公司的品牌 涉及音像制品直销业务
太好了 Oh, sweet!
我们订购了<雨人>的电影原声带 We ordered the Rain Man soundtrack!
不错 Sweet.
还有 Also...
给某个Kimmy的一封信 there's a letter for a Kimmy...
噢 不是 不用管了 Oh, no, never mind,
这是给Kimmy Schmidt的 because this is for Kimmy Schmidt.
应该就是给我的了吧 Oh, that's probably for me, actually.
Schmidt听起来很像Smith You know, Schmidt sounds a lot like Smith.
你是说你是Kimberly Schmidt So you're saying that you're Kimberly Schmidt?
应该是我的朋友Cyndee写给我的 It's probably from my friend Cyndee.
不是 Nope.
印第安纳州寄来的 传票已经送达 From the state of Indiana, you've been served.
什么 Lillian What? Lillian!
我给毒贩放风 同时也是个传票送达员 See, I'm a drug lookout and a process server.
这样一来 这边生意砸了 This way, when business is bad,
欧喔 那边生意就来了 oof, business is good.
新磁带到了 The new tapes are here!
- 磁带日 - 别管那些带子了 - Tape day! - Forget the tapes.
我就当你没说过这话 I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.
牧师的审讯开始了 The Reverend's trial is starting,
他们传唤我作证人 and they called me as a witness.
哪个台可以看 What channel is it on?
我是说 I mean...
哪个台可以看 what channel is it on?
我是想讲一些安慰你的话 I'm trying to say something supportive.
哪个台可以看 What channel is it on?
我不想去 Titus I don't want to go, Titus.
姑娘 要为大局着想啊 Think of the greater good, girl.
你以为马丁路德金牧师 You think the Reverend Martin Luther King
就愿意穿着个比基尼 再带上天使的翅膀 wanted to wear a bikini and put on angel wings
在同志大游行花车上招摇吗 and gyrate on the "Gay pride parade" Float?
又黑又基的 我把我的斗争弄混了 Foop, I'm mixing up my struggles.
我为什么要去一场蠢爆了的审讯啊 Why do I have to go to a stupid trial?
我再也不想再看见那个白痴牧师了 I never want to see the stupid Reverend again.
而且为什么是现在 And why stupid now?
我是说 Jacqueline离个婚都快疯了 I mean, Jacqueline is flipping out about her divorce.
Dong想和我快点结婚 Dong wants us to get married
不然就要被遣返回去了 before he gets kicked out of the country.
- 我招架不住了啊 - 超级糟糕 - I can't handle all this! - Superfoop!
审讯不在电视上全国直播 Your trial isn't gonna be on national TV.
我还得上网看 I'll have to watch it on the Internet.
万一我遭到网络霸凌怎么办啊 What if I get cyber-bullied?
不能让你方便的去娱乐 Well, I'm sorry it's inconvenient for you
我人生最黑暗的篇章是我的错 真抱歉 to be entertained by the darkest chapter of my life.
Kimmy 亲爱的 Kimmy, sweetheart...
我去图书馆看就好了 I'm gonna go to the library and watch it.
该死 我真的是努力在安慰你 Damn it, I'm really trying to comfort you.
我去图书馆看就好了 I'm gonna go to the library and watch it.
我去图书馆 对不起 I'm gonna go... Sorry.
图书馆 不 听我说 你别担心了 Library... Nope. You know what? Forget it.
我就去图书馆看好了 I'm just gonna go to the library and watch it.
*简直坚不可摧 她们活下来了 卧槽* *Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*真是个奇迹 坚不可摧 卧槽* *It's a miracle. Unbreakable*
*她们活下来了 卧槽* *They alive, damn it*
*但是女人们可真牛逼啊* *But females are strong as hell*
*简直坚不可摧 她们活下来了 卧槽* *Unbreakable they alive, damn it*
*真是个奇迹 坚不可摧 她们活下来了 卧槽* *It's a miracle. Unbreakable they live. Damn it*
*接下来是* *That's gonna be, uh....*
我 本 坚 强
第一季 第十一集
*就是 那个* *You know, uh...*
电波诚译
*华丽的变身* *A fascinating transition*
*卧槽* *Damn it*
女人被绑架 地堡 审讯 "women kidnapped bunker trial."
不对 不是在废弃班尼根餐厅的那个 Nope, not the one in the abandoned Bennigan's.
不是这个 也不是这个 Not that one or that one.
怎么都在佛罗里达 Come on, Florida.
往下拉 往下拉 Scrolling, scrolling.
印第安纳 Indiana.
终于找到了 Finally.
这个社会是怎么了 What is up, society?
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一一
我是Carla Tuesday 为您现场直播 I'm Carla Tuesday live at the trial
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一一
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
登斯维尔警局 Richard Wayne Gary Wayne
牧师Richard Wayne Gary Wayne的审讯 of Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne
他被控绑架 欺瞒人口普查工作者 for kidnapping, lying to a census worker,
以及据邻居透露的 and, according to neighbors,
圣诞灯彩挂很久都不拆 leaving Christmas lights up way too long.
Cyndee Pokorny来了 There's Cyndee Pokorny.
Cyndee Pokorny 你穿的是谁设计的衣服 Cyndee Pokorny, who are you wearing?
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一
家庭美元百货买的Kathy Ireland牌 Kathy Ireland for Family Dollar.
女星Kathy Ireland同名的时尚生活方式品牌
是Donna Maria Nuez Ooh, Donna Maria Nuez.
Donna Maria Nuez 啊呀啊呀 Donna Maria Nuez, ay-ay-ay.
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
登斯维尔的每一个人都爱死你的"鼹鼠女"鼹鼠酱汁了 Everyone in Durnsville loves your Mole Women mole Sauce.
天理终于昭彰 我很高兴
真希望他被烧死
就像我新生产的火辣辣的鼹鼠酱汁
这场审讯虚伪至极 This trial is a sham.
牧师只需要回答上"弟"他老人家的问题 The Reverend only has to answer to Gosh Himself,
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
以及那个能测出他是<新飞越比弗利> and that online quiz that tells him
中哪个角色的网上测试 which 90210 character he is.
他是Andrea He is Andrea.
<新飞越比弗利>中暗恋主角的大嘴美女 剧中唯一的处女
被告人Richard Wayne The defendant, Richard Wayne,
正走进法庭 is now entering the courtroom.
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一
这就是那个牧师 That's the Reverend?
和我想得不一样啊 It's not what I expected.
- 这位是谁啊 - Carla Tuesday 来自杜伦的WDUR电台 - Well, who do we have here? - Carla Tuesday, WDUR, the Dur.
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一
Richard牧师 传言你要为自己辩护 Reverend Richard, is it true
一Richard Wayne G Wayne 牧师一一
这是真的吗 that you'll be representing yourself?
Carla 我给你讲个小故事 Carla, let me tell you a little story.
我和主在沙滩上散步 I was walking on the beach with the Lord,
沙滩上留下了两行脚印 and there were two sets of footprints in the sand,
之后变成了三行脚印 and then there were three sets of footprints,
我就问 这是谁啊 and I said, "Who's that?"
主回答我说 是Dale Earnhardt And the Lord said, "It's Dale Earnhardt.
著名赛车手
他是你的超级粉丝 He's a big fan of yours."
我的客户不会再回答更多问题 My client won't be answering any more of your questions.
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一Richard Wayne G Wayne牧师一一一一
小朋友们 好好学习哦 Stay in school, kids.
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一
他真是焕然一新啊 He cleans up well.
交还给你 Trent Back to you, Trent.
早上好 Vera Good morning, Vera.
她今天怎么样 How is she today?
我不知道 I don't know.
早餐碰都没碰 She didn't even touch her breakfast.
早上好 Kimmy Good morning, Kimmy.
不再是Voorhees太太夫人 Mrs... Not Voorhees Anymore.
你看起来精神焕发啊 You look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
bush也有女性阴毛的意思
不可能 我早就激光脱掉了 No, I got that lasered off.
Kimmy 我知道 Look, Kimmy, I know
我最近被各种事情搞得不知所措 that I have been overwhelmed with everything lately...
偷腥的丈夫 比尔白思豪的仇富大作战 My cheating ex-husband, De Blasio's war on the rich,
现纽约市长 推行了一系列对富人不利的税收政策
更别说这些乌鸦脚了(鱼尾纹) not to mention these crow's feet
刚在Buckley卧室发现的 that I found in Buckley's bedroom.
然后你又告诉我你是鼹鼠女 And then you tell me you're a Mole Woman?
烦事纷扰 It's a lot.
没错 想象假如你是我的话 Yeah, well, imagine being me.
才不要 Absolutely not!
但是我现在每天去上Tristaf的课程 But now I am in daily sessions with Tristaf,
他告诉我说没什么大不了的 and he says that none of that matters
因为这一切都和本我无关 because it has nothing to do with my me.
我只要追随快乐 If I just follow my bliss,
这些事我想都不用想 I don't even have to think about that stuff.
真希望我也能做到 I wish I could do that.
我晚上都失眠了 I can't even sleep at night.
我试着去数羊 可然后我就开始担心 I tried counting sheep, but then I started thinking,
为什么这些羊要纷纷跳过栅栏 "Why are all those sheep jumping over that fence?
他们在害怕什么 是什么在追他们 What are they so afraid of? What's chasing them?"
你应该跟我一起去上Tristaf的课 You should go to Tristaf with me.
所以这是团体活动 So it's like a group thing?
因为我不是很喜欢 'Cause I didn't love
上次你带我去的团体活动 the last group thing you took me to.
呃 Voorhees夫人 Um... Mrs. Voorhees?
Kimmy 没什么古怪事 Oh, Kimmy, it's nothing weird.
只不过是个健身课程 It's just a fitness class.
好吧 Oh, okay.
我穿着合适吗 Am I dressed all right?
你就从没穿着合适过 The answer to that has never been yes.
这里就是全世界之所在 There is no world outside this room.
这一刻就是供奉在你的祭坛上的祭品 This time is a sacrifice at the altar of you.
你是谁 And who are you?
我就是我 I am me!
我是Marcia 他是Chris I'm Marcia. He's Chris.
在座诸位 谁渴望公义 Who here likes justice?
这就是为何 That's why...
你们 You...
必须宣判Wayne牧师有罪 Need to pronounce Reverend Wayne guilty.
有罪 Guilty.
该死 Dang it.
抱歉 Marcia Sorry, Marcia.
不 永远都不要为 No, don't ever apologize
你尽了最大努力而抱歉 for trying your hardest.
我并不是如两位一样的律界瑰宝 Well, I'm not a fancy "Lawyer" Like these two.
见鬼 我唯一读过的书只有那本好书 Heck, the only book I ever read is the good book,
Michael Crichton的<人间大浩劫> The Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton.
当然啦 我去哪儿都 And, of course, I never go anywhere
带着我的圣经口袋书 without my pocket Bible.
这本书不止一次的救过我 Now, this book has saved me in more ways than one.
在越南 它为我挡了一颗子弹 In Vietnam, it stopped a bullet.
那是在1994年 That was in 1994.
看吧 我是一个虔诚的人 See, I'm a man of faith.
我信仰上"弟"和他的儿子耶"苏" I believe in Gosh and his son Jeepers
还有圣幽灵 他今天也在这里支持着我 and the Holy Ghost, who is here today supporting me.
别让这点影响你们的判断 Don't let that influence you.
我想说的是 I guess my point is,
我记得 last time I checked,
在这个国家 信仰并不是罪 faith wasn't a crime in this country.
尊敬的陪审团主席 你能读一下 Mr. Foreman, can you read
这张20美元上写了什么吗 what's written on this $20 bill
就在"美利坚合众国"下面 right under the words "The United States of America"?
"我们信仰上帝" "In God we trust."
谢谢 你可以留着了 Thank you. You may keep that.
在我的信仰里 天启即将降临 So why am I being tried for my belief
为什么我要为此受审呢 that the apocalypse is coming?
女士们 先生们 Ladies and gentlemen...
我唯一有罪的就是 the only thing I'm guilty of
努力将这些姑娘们从末日拯救出来 is trying to save these girls from the end of days.
我在数学上出了岔子 算错了日子 I just done goofed up the math and got the date wrong.
如果数学差也是犯罪的话 Now, if being bad at math is against the law,
那就把我关起来吧 well, then lock me up.
但你们最好也得把Cost Rite家具店的Bob抓起来 But you better lock up Bob from the CostRite too,
因为他找零钱比奥巴马还差 'cause he gives worse change than Obama.
change也有改革的意思
不是我的总统 Not my president.
伊拉克战争期间民众为表达对小布什的不满而兴起的口号
我的天啊 Oh, my.
舌灿如莲啊 He is wonderful.
我是说 他是个坏人没错 可是 I mean, he's a bad person, but...
他也挺让人赏心悦目的 he sure is watchable.
安静点 Titus Be quiet, Titus.
人家还在听呢 I'm trying to listen.
一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一一一
嘘 Shh!
我想给大家演奏一首歌 I'd like to play you folks a little song
是关于另一个你们也许听说过的疯牧师的 about another crazy preacher you might have heard of.
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一一一一一
他就是耶稣 His name was Jesus.
*他是个独眼 独角* *He was a one-eyed, one-horned*
Sheb Wooley -
*飞翔的紫色食人魔* *Flying purple people-eater*
*独眼 独角 飞翔的紫色食人魔* *One-eyed, one-horned flying purple people-eater*
*看起来怪怪的* *Sure looked strange to me*
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一
一印第安纳鼹鼠女案审讯一一一一一一
*一只独眼 独角 飞翔的紫色食人魔* *A one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people-eater*
鼹鼠女
鼹鼠酱汁
*独眼 独角 飞翔的紫色食人魔* *One-eyed, one-horned flying purple people-eater*
真是太爽了 That was amazing.
我真的把注意力集中在了本我上 I really focused on my me.
别的我啥也没想 I didn't think about anything else.
真是神清气爽 是吧 Isn't it refreshing?
下次我们早点来 Next time, let's go early
这样我们就能抢到在一起骑的位置了 so we can get bikes next to each other.
不行 Kimmy Oh, Kimmy, no.
你不能和我一起在前排骑 You can't ride in the front row with me.
当你有资格在前排时 Tristaf会召唤你的 Tristaf will summon you forward when you've earned it.
我永远都会记得Tristaf让 I'll never forget where I was
我去前排时 我在哪儿 when Tristaf asked me to join the front row.
当时我在动感单车的课上 I was in spin class.
我敢说你很快就会升级到前面来的 I bet you'll be moving up soon.
在地下的时候 You must have had an amazing trainer
你一定有个很出色的教练 down in the bunker.
呃 Um...
Gretchen 我不是在这儿开馆子的 I'm not running a restaurant here, Gretchen.
这就是晚饭 This is dinner.
Kimmy Kimmy!
再高点儿 A little higher.
抱歉 Sorry.
- 现在怎么样 - 可以了 - How's that? - Yeah.
这是一大堆我想抛在脑后的 That was actually one of the things
其中一件事 I was trying not to think about.
但是现在我又在想地堡 牧师 But now I'm thinking about the bunker and the Reverend
Dong要被驱逐出境 and Dong getting deported
还有我叫我老师"妈妈"的那次 and that time I called my teacher "Mommy."
啊 不 是Cyndee Oh, no, not Cyndee.
离婚律师
啊 现在我又想起我离婚的事了 Oh, now I'm thinking about my divorce
从此孤身一人 还有我刚刚 and being on my own and how I had to listen
不得不听你瞎逼逼一大串你的烦心事 to that list of things you were thinking about.
下节课是什么时候 When's the next class?
嗨 Kimmy 我是Cyndee Pokorny Hey, Kimmy, it's Cyndee Pokorny.
你的被绑受害友人 We were kidnapped together.
我只想问问你在哪呢 Uh, just wondering where you are,
这儿一切都不错 'cause it's going real good here,
除了审讯进展超不顺以外 except it's going real bad.
Richard牧师是个伟人 Reverend Richard is a great man.
他没有绑架我们 他救了我们 He didn't kidnap us. He saved us.
他本可以拯救所有人的 And he would have saved everyone
只是他当时担心会不会变成一个纯汉子集会 if he wasn't so worried about it being a sausage fest.
我想用一次我们的反悔机会 I'd like to use one of our do-overs, please.
他就是个禽兽 他就该烂死在监狱里
这里有谁会讲西班牙语吗 Does anybody here speak Spanish?
我会 Of course.
她说地下生活棒极了 She said that the bunker was great,
她还想再经历一次 and she'd do it again.
我觉得你应该是认错人了 I think you might have me confused with someone else.
我这辈子都没去过登斯维尔 I've never been to Durnsville in my life.
是啊 你是我们的意外证人 Yeah, you're a surprise witness.
要是我们知道你是谁 就不算是意料之外了啊 If we knew who you were, it wouldn't be a surprise.
不管怎样 你必须过来 Anyhoo, you got to get here.
明天我就该作证了 I'm supposed to testify tomorrow,
你知道牧师他有多狡猾的 and you know how tricky the Reverend is.
我们的律师好像都不知道 And our lawyers don't seem to know
自己特么在做什么 what the heck they're doing!
Cyndee 你觉得进展如何 How do you think that went, Cyndee?
能得B吗 还是B+ B? B-plus?
这是你们接的第一个案子吗还是 So is this your first case or...?
哈哈 真可爱 Ah, I love it.
看吧 这就是我们搬来这里的原因 做个平凡人 See, this is why we moved here... Anonymity.
在登斯维尔 我们只是Marcia和Chris In Durnsville, we're just Marcia and Chris,
Marcia和Chris是负责当时辛普森杀妻案的检察官 此案也是出名的由于检方的失败而导致败诉的案例
不是什么出了名没用的加州检察官 not famously incompetent California prosecutors.
嘿 他都在监狱里了 Hey, he's in jail now.
还有谁有四个拇指拧开了那罐果酱 So who has four thumbs and loosened that jelly jar?
现在唯一要紧的就是 The only thing that's important here
你和我去探索 is for me and you
我们的感情是否能走下去 to see where this relationship can go.
是啊 Yeah.
给我踩 拼命踩踏板 Pedal, pedal.
像个喝挂的姑娘从出租车里出来那样 Be like a drunk girl getting out of a cab,
什么都给丢了 and leave everything behind...
你的包包 你的钥匙 Your bag, your keys!
没错 那个角落里的姜发姑娘 Yes, that ginger in the corner
要不得不用公共电话打给房东了 is going to have to call her landlord from a pay phone!
吼出来 你个醉货 吼啊 Scream, you drunk mess! Scream!
把单车阻力一直调到甘地级 Turn your resistance all the way up to Gandhi.
你们应该感到痛苦 Oh, it's supposed to hurt.
这可是甘地 It's Gandhi.
追随你的快乐 Follow your bliss...
此话为Tristafe著权 Trademark Tristafe.
想象你在一片美丽的海滩上 Imagine yourself on a beautiful beach,
骑着车 on a bicycle!
我看见一只海豚 I see a dolphin!
是啊 它多美啊 Yes, it's beautiful.
我也看见了 I see it, too.
你骗人 You're a liar!
你才没看见海豚 You see no dolphin.
再跟我说说海豚的事 红发妹子 Tell me more of the dolphin, ginger.
只有此地 There is only here.
只有此时 There is only now.
我的大脑一片空白 My mind is so blank,
我都不会"缩话"了 I don't even know how to "Tark anymelg."
我们结束了 And so we are done.
松开脚带 女士们 And unclip, ladies.
我更喜欢梳着马尾辫的女会员 I prefer my students in ponytails
这样一来我就能把她们想象成 so I can imagine them...
小马 as ponies.
没断艾青 姜孟祥诗仙 Tcha-kamo, feenahnay.
你能相信我们骑了一整天吗 Can you believe we biked all day?
Tristafe好棒 Tristafe is amazing.
"Tristafe好棒" "Tristafe is amazing."
听起来和我一模一样 That sounded exactly like me.
就像听一面镜子 That was like listening to a mirror.
安静 Kimmy Be quiet, Kimmy.
收拾干净 And clean that up.
但Tristafe说 But Tristafe says...
轮不到你告诉我Tristafe说了什么 You don't tell me what Tristafe says.
我带你到心灵单车 I brought you to SpiritCycle.
你是怎么报答我的 And how do you repay me?
你抢了我的单车 让我沦落到第二排 You take my bike and exile me to the second row
和那些刚生完孩子的邋遢妇女在一起 with those sloppy baby-weight disasters.
Tristafe警告我了你今晚会发飙 Tristafe warned me you would lash out tonight.
哦 是吗 Oh, really?
那确切是什么时候 And exactly when did you have
你单独和Tristafe谈话的 a private conversation with Tristafé?
课后他和前排会员进行了 The front row had a cucumber-water cool-down
黄瓜水放松 with him after class.
我想我得告诉Tristafe Now I guess I'll have to tell Tristafe
你忘记了自己的位置 对一个首排会员吼叫 that you forgot your place and yelled at a first-row bike.
不要 No.
不 请不要 No, no, please!
- 求你了 - 很好 - Please. - Good.
喝下 Now drink.
啊 Ha, ah...
我可以尝到你的力量 I can taste your power.
你在这儿做什么 What are you doing here?
审讯已经开始了 The trial started already.
Titus 我已经决定不去了 Titus, I've decided I'm not going.
什么 你必须去 What? But you have to!
我唯一要做的就是追随我的快乐 The only thing I have to do is follow my bliss.
而且印第安纳州离我的心灵海滩太远了 And Indiana is nowhere near my mind beach.
哪儿来的白人屁话 What white nonsense is this?
是心灵单车 It's SpiritCycle.
Tristafe教我一切都不管不顾 And Tristafe is teaching me to leave everything behind,
就像一个在州外快餐店 like a toddler at an out-of-state
里的幼童 fast-food restaurant.
听我说 Listen to me.
你律师们的开庭陈述差不多就是 Your lawyers' opening statement was mostly a slideshow
他们去看红叶的幻灯片展映 of their trip to see the fall colors.
如果你不过去 If you don't go down there,
牧师很可能就无罪释放了 they might set the Reverend free.
那一切与这无关 That has nothing to do with this.
Kimmy Kimmy Kimmy... Kimmy...
好吧 拜 Okay, bye.
出现 故障
禁止食物和饮料 理性自慰
Pokorny女士 我们之前从没见过 对吧 Ms. Pokorny, we've never met before, have we?
才不是 你把我关在地堡里 Yes, you kept me in an underground bunker
15年 for 15 years.
那就怪了 That's weird,
因为在你的证人陈述中 你描述这个男人 because in your deposition, you describe this man,
或者更可能是女人 or more likely... woman,
有着浓密的大胡子 as having a big, bushy beard.
是的 没错 Yes, that's right.
胡子 A beard?
陪审团的女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
你们看见胡子了吗 do you see a beard?
我说过我数学不好 Pokorny女士 I told you I'm not very good at math, Ms. Pokorny.
我对这点供认不讳 I've been very up front about that.
但即使我也能看出你的故事和真相不相等 But even to me, your story doesn't add up.
他说得有道理 He makes some really good points.
这理论很合理 I can see where he's coming from.
是挺值得怀疑的 Reasonable doubt, you know?
找到你们的海滩 我的小马们 Find your beach, my little ponies.
太阳光芒四射 The sun is shining.
海浪在撞击着 The waves are crashing. The...
Jacqueline 离开我的海滩 找你自己的去 Jacqueline, get off my beach. Find your own.
这对没有想象力的人不公平 This isn't fair to people with no imagination.
我到了 I'm there!
这里好美 It's beautiful!
Kimmy Kimmy!
Kimmy 等等 Kimmy, wait up!
你们在这儿干吗 你们不应该来这里 What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here!
你也不应该 我们需要你来登斯维尔 Neither should you. We need you in Durnsville.
不 我不去 No, I'm not going.
这只能证明牧师说的是对的 This only proves that the Reverend was right.
没有他 我们会反目成仇 Without him, we turn against each other,
就像<高校风云>中Dylan告诉整个球队 like when Dylan tells the whole team that David is Jewish
1992年橄榄球题材校园片
David是犹太人那样 in School Ties.
主角David是犹太人
对于一个认为犹太人来自外太空的人来说
牧师也太喜欢<高校风云>了
kimmy 不 不要丢下我们 Kimmy, no! Don't leave us!
对不起 不合适 I'm sorry. It just doesn't fit.
辛普森杀妻案梗 无脑检方要求辛普森当庭戴上凶案现场的手套而污染了证物
真的 该死的 Really? Darn it.
- 我发誓 我一定要找出这是谁的手套 - 我懂 - I swear, I'm gonna find out who this glove belongs to. - I know.
好了 Now...
你在哪儿????????????
牧师 Reverend...
如果你是我 If you were me...
你会问你什么 what would you ask you?
如果我是你的话 Well, if I were you,
我会问我 I would ask me about...
*那段旧时光* *A long, long time ago*
唐·麦克林的代表曲<美国派>
*我依旧铭记* *I can still remember...*
怎么没人问他 Why doesn't someone ask him
为什么世界没有毁灭 how come after the apocalypse didn't happen
他还是不放我们走 he didn't let us go?
- 坐下闭嘴 - 你住嘴 - Sit down and shut up! - Shut your mouth!
不 这个问题很合理 No, it's a fair question.
我多年来一直致力于 You see, I worked for years
计算世界末日的日期 on figuring out the date of the apocalypse...
2006年6月6日 June 6, 2006,
6 6 6 6-6-6.
我是看<芝麻街>的时候顿悟的 It came to me while I was watching Sesame Street.
那天是9号 我当时穿着重力鞋倒吊 The number of the day was 9, and I was in my gravity boots.
但那天平安地过去了 But when that day came and went,
我感到很抱歉 I felt like a real heel.
能说什么呢 What can I say?
我对自己太过苛刻 I'm hard on myself.
但我并没有打算放弃那些女孩 But I wasn't about to give up on those girls,
因为我 还是不知道哪个人 because I, or whoever was down in that bunker,
从1998年开始就让她们在地下了 had them in there since 1998,
为"被提"做准备 getting ready for the Rapture.
末世论中 活着的基督徒将要同时被送到天上与基督同在 并且凡体将升华为不朽的身体
你也知道女人要花多长时间才能准备好 And you know how long it takes ladies to get ready.
这位 This one.
得了 Oh, pfft.
我想说的是 如果我让她们出去 My point is, what if I had let them out
可没两天"被提"就发生了怎么办 and then the Rapture happened, like, two days later?
因为<圣经>上写道 Because the Bible says...
它即将来临 it's coming.
而我知道它马上要来了 And I know it's coming soon.
这吓不到我 That doesn't scare me.
只要你张大双眼 征兆就在你的四周 The signs are all around you if you just open your eyes.
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一
一Richard 牧师的证词一一一一一一
男人们为了快感做下流的行为 Men debasing themselves for pleasure...
而我们之中的少数善类 and the few good among us...
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一
一Richard 牧师的证词一一一一一一一
是我 That's me.
我很善良 I'm good.
一一现场直播一一一一 一一一一一一一一一一
一Richard 牧师的证词一一一一一一
对霸凌者的无耻恶行 Powerless against the faceless evil
无能为力 of petty tyranny...
就像电影<高校风云>里演的一样 just like in School Ties.
图书馆关门了 The library is closed.
我对霸凌者的无耻恶行无能为力 I'm powerless against the faceless evil of petty tyranny.
哦 老天 Oh, God!
成真了 It's happening!
恶魔将会从地底深处崛起 Evil will rise from the depths of the Earth.
美酒和美女啊 贱人们 Bottles and models, bitches!
都什么白人屁话 What white nonsense was that?
女人和野兽同床 Woman shall lie with beast.
冷静一点 Titus Get a hold of yourself, Titus.
女魔鬼会出现在一团烟雾中 And the Devil herself shall appear in a cloud of smoke
把你拉下最污秽不堪的地狱深渊 and drag you down to the foulest pit of hell.
嘿 Titus Hey, Titus.
你想去波士顿市场吗 You want to go to Boston Market?
是魔鬼 It's the Devil!
我才不是魔鬼 Ha! I'm not the Devil.
硫磺味是因为我在吃煮鸡蛋排毒 The sulfur smell is 'cause I'm doing a hard-boiled egg cleanse.
Lillian 我被一个疯子洗脑了 Lillian, I got sucked in by a crazy person,
我开始相信他说的话 and I started to believe what he was saying.
连我这样钢铁般意志的人都 And if that happened to me, with my iron will...
钢铁意志 Iron will!
你都不能站着讲完这段话 You couldn't even stay standing for this whole conversation.
我想说的是 那个男人很危险 My point is, that man is dangerous,
必须阻止他 and he must be stopped,
只有一个人可以做到 and there's only one person who can do it.
Kimberly 那个男人很危险 Kimberly, that man is dangerous.
不 离开我的海滩 No, get off my beach.
让你的海滩从我的 Get your beach out of my
奥林匹克花样滑冰男子更衣室离开 Olympic men's figure skating locker room.
我们都有幻想 We all have our fantasies.
那个恶魔告诉你如何穿衣 That monster told you how to dress,
如何梳头 如何思考 how to wear your hair, what to think.
他将你锁起来 告诉你 He locked you up and told you
外面的世界不复存在 the outside world didn't exist anymore,
而你却相信了他 and you believed him.
不 我没有 No, I didn't.
我从来就没有相信牧师说的一个字 I never believed a word the Reverend said.
我说的不是牧师 I'm not talking about the Reverend.
我说的是他 I'm talking about him.
Tristafe 不 他没有 Tristafe? No, he's not...
动感单车
(不是那本 音乐杂志)
轮子上的天才
看看你自己 我的婊砸闺蜜 Look at yourself, "Girlfrenemy"...
服装 发型 The clothes, the hair.
还一直说着他那句胡言乱语的话 You walk around spouting his gibberish.
他当然说的是"胡言乱"语 Of course he spouts gibberish.
他在"胡言乱"国学的心灵单车 He studied spirit biking in Giberia.
我没被锁在任何地方 And I'm not locked up anywhere.
我想去哪儿都可以 I can go wherever I want.
只是我解不开脚带 I just can't unclip my shoes.
哦 老天 你没事吧 Oh, my goodness, are you okay?
心灵单车是个邪教 SpiritCycle is a cult.
就是另一个邪教 It's just another cult.
为什么总是这样 我有什么毛病 Why does this keep happening? What's wrong with me?
这可以发生在任何人身上 差点就发生在我身上了 But it could happen to anyone. It almost happened to me.
连你这样钢铁般意志的人都 You, with your iron will?
是吧 That's what I said.
你说得没错 You're right.
我必须去登斯维尔 I have to go to Durnsville.
Kimberly 我第一次听到你的故事的时候 Kimberly, when I first heard about your dealio,
我只关心那些耸人听闻 令人兴奋的细节 all I cared about was the lurid, titillating details.
比如我们做罐头人跟他接吻的故事 Like how we built Can Man to practice kissing on,
而且我们只有一个原则 and we only had one rule...
不能爱上罐头人 Don't fall in love with Can Man?
但罐头人很难抗拒 But Can Man was irresistible?
不 不是 No. No.
我只是想帮助我的朋友 All I care about is helping my friend.
所以 我要和你一起去 So... I'm coming with you.
你愿意为我这么做 You'd do that for me?
所以我可以看没有广告的庭审 So I can see the trial without ads.
抱歉 Sorry!
我的意思是 I meant...
所以我可以看没有广告的庭审 so I can see the trial without ads.
我真的想表示我的支持 I'm really trying to be supportive here.
我是你的朋友 I'm your friend.
所以我要和你去登斯维尔 So I'm gonna come to Durnsville with you,
我就能看没有广告的庭审了 so I can see the trial without ads.
谢了 Titus Thanks, Titus.
我需要先处理件事情 I just need to take care of something first.
系上脚带的时间到了 Time to clip in.
女士们 Ladies!
还有基佬 And gay guy.
这是一场单车劝解会 This is a spin-tervention.
这个男人是个骗子 That man is a fraud!
Kimmy 你好大的胆子 Kimmy, how dare you?
我赠与了你神圣的词汇 I gifted you with the sacred words...
没断艾青 姜孟祥诗仙 Tcha-kamo, feenahnay.
神圣词汇 Sacred words?
"没断艾青 姜孟祥诗仙" "Tcha-kamo, feenahnay"
原本歌词为"每段爱情 将梦想实现"
出自歌曲 is from Iko Iko,
是<雨人>的原声音乐 from the Rain Man soundtrack.
一盘全新的<雨人> Is that a brand-new cassette tape
原声磁带吗 of the Rain Man soundtrack?
他的名字也不是Tristafe And his name isn't Tristafe.
是Christopher It's Christopher!
轮子上的天才
这是Christopher Micelli 他在一个轮子上建起了一整个王朝
只不过念得像个傻子 He just pronounces it like an idiot.
你们没想过这里为什么这么黑吗 You ever wonder why it's so dark in here?
Kimmy 别碰 Kimmy, don't touch those.
他甚至都没有在蹬车 And he's not even pedaling his bike.
只不过是个视频 It's just a video.
所以他一天能撑十节课 That's how he does ten classes a day.
Kimmy 不要把屏幕移开 Kimmy, don't move that monitor.
别这么看着我 肠易激征是个真病 Don't judge! IBS is real!
他一直坐在马桶上 He was on the toilet the whole time?
哦 老天 原来那些蜡烛是为了除味儿的 Oh, God. That's what the candles are for.
也是为了营造气氛 They're also to set the mood.
我们为什么总这样对自己 Why do we keep doing this to ourselves,
用一个愚蠢的男性权威形象代替另一个 replacing one stupid male authority figure with another,
就像<光辉岁月>的罗曼·布雷迪一直换人演 like Days of Our Lives replaces Roman Bradys.
<光辉岁月>电视剧 剧中罗曼·布雷迪的角色先后由4名演员饰演
我喜欢第一个罗曼 I like the first Roman.
你是个白痴 You're a moron!
抱歉 但你真的大错特错 Sorry. That's just wrong.
Jacqueline Christopher真的和Julian有什么 Jacqueline, is Christopher here really any different
不同吗 than Julian?
和任何一个告诉你只要交给他 Is he different than any guy who tells you
做一切决定 他就能让你更富有 he'll make you richer or prettier or safer
更漂亮 抑或更安全的男人有什么不同吗 if you just let him make all the decisions?
可是问他长椅用哪种色料的时候 But when it's time to look at fabric swatches
他就又都随便了 for the banquette, he's got no opinion.
是啊 没错 Sure, that.
Kimmy Kimmy...
我需要找到真正的自我 I need to find out who I really am,
而不是等着某个男人来告诉我 not just wait for some guy to come and tell me.
而我需要请几天假 And I need a few days off.
我要去登斯维尔指证牧师 I'm going to Durnsville to testify against the Reverend.
哦 Kimmy Oh, Kimmy.
我会相应扣你薪水的 I'll dock your pay accordingly.
通常因为音乐声你们听不见这个 Usually you can't hear that 'cause of the music.
好了 女士们 今天就是一份礼物 All right, ladies, today is a gift.
所以我们才称之为"当下" That's why we call it the present.
"present"也有"礼物"之意
打起精神来吧 Let's lock and load.
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